A musician in Marrakech

   

     Tonight I will meet you again in Europe, after the four amazing days we spent together in Morocco. It was a whole new world to me, since this was the first time I stepped on Africa. Morocco has a strong and original culture. We could experiment new colors, tastes, smells, and sounds in that quite chaotic but always surprising atmosphere. It's a poor country, but its people is proud and strong.

     I remember that one day we were walking on a narrow street after visiting the Marrakech Museum when we met this musician. He was playing his instrument and singing with heart and soul. We stayed there for a while, watching his performance: a beautiful musicality to whom we are not accustomed.

     I am very happy to have met you, to have these chances see the world by your side, to talk for long about what we see and make plans for new discoveries, to try different food, different fashion, different approaches to people. I'm a better and more interesting person with you by my side.

Birthday Wishes

It has been a long time since I have written anything here. The last months have been difficult at best between us. Never mind. You know all about that already so I won't bother to repeat it here. I just wanted to send you a quick note before I slept to wish you a very happy birthday. You are 46 today and now officially one digit ahead of me again. :) We passed a nice weekend together in Marrakech and I hope you enjoyed your birthday weekend and gift with me. I had a nice time with you and shared some very good moments which made me happy as well. The riad is a bit sad and empty without you here.

I hope you had a good flight back and I send you a big hug and kiss for your special day. Enjoy a good start to what I hope will be your best and happiest year ever.

Love you birthday boy. xx

Me

Nuts

     After one month of being apart, we are together again in England. I was missing you, our walks hand in hand, our plans, our talks. By the way, last night we were talking about our favourite painters. When I told you five or six names, there was the comment that they are all dramatic, intense, deformative, Dionisyac and quite nuts. Here they are: Bosch, Bruegel, Caravaggio, Goya, Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo. After a while I also mentioned my favourite philosophers: Heraclitus, Montaigne, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Sartre. Again most of them are like that, and surely this taste reflects a lot of me.

     I remember one of your first talks, when we were still knowing each other better:

    

             - Are you nuts?

             - Yes, I am.

             - Great!

 

     Now I know that we were talking about that kind of deep, motivating, creative, and colourful madness.

Sick and away from you

     The weather in London, which is usually bad went to worse these last days. It's very cold and rainy. As a result, cold and flu viruses are circulating more intensely. And they have got me. I have been suffering with a sore throat, runny nose and some cough for two days already. Since something bad never comes alone, we had an argument before the weekend and you had to cross the world from Russia to Thailand after facing troubles with the immigration officers in Moscow because of an expired visa. And we were without contacting each other for a few days.

     All I can say is that I have missed you terribly. All along the last weekend I could feel very clearly how important you are to me and how my life is much more meaningful and exciting with you.

     I beg your pardon for my impulsiveness and sharp tongue. I don't want to lose you and I know that neither do you. The last image I keep of you is our goodbye in Prague a week ago, when you were hugging me tightly and crying because we would be apart again. But there will be a time when we won't say goodbye anymore. I go on loving you.

Time on my own

Watch tower and Cyprus trees, Dachau 

I have been on the road now for over 2 weeks, most of it very busy with work and appointments: on and off trains and planes and in and out of taxis and trams and offices all day long. I counted and realized that I have been in 6 countries in 10 days. Finally this past week here in Munich, my resistance broke down a bit and I came down with a nasty head cold. I knew it would happen at some point, I just did not know where or when. At least it was over a long weekend here when I planned to have some time for myself anyway as you are back in London now. I was able to rest a bit, which was good and I even found a small shop in a train station nearby with a Vietnamese family doing manicures and pedicures so I had this done, and while it couldn't compare to what I get in Thailand, it made me feel somewhat better as well.  It is hard to take care of oneself when  traveling so much and one place starts to blend into another. 

Yesterday I felt a bit better so I decided to spend the afternoon out and to explore a bit. In the city, Oktoberfest is in full swing and it is too full of partying crowds for my taste, so I took a train to Dachau, an hour outside of Munich, to visit the museum that is set up there in the grounds of the Nazis first concentration camp. I spent a few hours walking around, reading and reflecting. I learned that in addition to the Jews, many thousands of others also perished here: Russians, Italians, Catholic priests, Czechs, Poles and Roma gypsies and others.  

If you had been with me, we would have talked about everything we were seeing and you would have made bold and sweeping statements about the evils of fascism and dictatorships while I would have tried to draw parallels to world events today. I would have said how lucky we are not to have had to face such a situation in our own lives and how I couldn't imagine what I would have done if I had.  In the end, we would have been glad to share it. Going alone was fine but it is not the same as if we had been together.

On work out music

     I spent last month in Thailand, together with you while I was in summer holidays in my job in Europe. During that time, I tried to support you in your working out. In order to do that, I even tried some things I am not accostumed to, such as Yoga and kickboxing. I went to the gym with you a few times and it was great, but I have to confess that I can’t stand that kind of music that they usually listen – in very loud volume – in those places. It’s something extremely bad, real trash. I dare to say that that is ear raping. I have recently been far from gyms – exercising outdoors – because of that kind of “music”. You always tease me because I normally go running while listening to recited poetry, classical music, bossa nova, Diana Krall and so on.

     I always imagine an ideal working out session in the gym with people listening to the “Four Seasons” by Vivaldi, “The Passion According to Saint Matthew” by Bach, “Also Sprach Zarathustra” by Strauss, a selection of bossa nova, Bob Dylan, Billie Holiday or Edith Piaf. In that session, the instructor would be very enthusiast and very active, as well as his followers.  But this world is very far from being the best one possible...

Sunny summer days

The last few days have been spent wandering around Stockholm and discovering its sites of historic interest. It is our first visit to the city and we have both been impressed with what it has to offer visitors. While there is nothing on the scale of the monuments of Paris or London, it is "pleasant' in every way here: well laid out and very scenic with nice architecture fronting innumerable waterways.  The people are friendly and the standard of living here is very high as are the prices. But in any case, it is great to explore this place with you as I never imagined I would have the chance to visit.

I almost forgot to mention the weather which has been outstanding. We have been enjoying sunshine almost every day along with blue skies so we are very lucky considering most of the year it is freezing cold and dark in these parts. During our visit, we have been to many museums and other places but so far my favourite experience was when this afternoon we took a leisurely walk through the local neighborhoods of Soderman and Hornstull where we have our charming flat and enjoyed people watching, window shopping and a delicious plate of organically sourced Swedish meatballs at a trendy little cafe with some flat bread and cider. That was great. Simple but thoroughly enjoyable. I will keep it in mind always when I think of being here and sharing these days with you. 

Two pains

     I have come back to London after spending the whole month of August with you in Thailand, since I was still in summer holidays. We could be together every day and every night and do a wide variety of things. I am a bit tired from the long trip accross the world, but I am happy. This morning, when I woke up, I was recollecting the beautiful memories of this great time by your side.

     We had a few conflicts this time. When I look back, practically all of them were based on stupid things. I remember a message of yours on my phone after a fight and after you going to work rather upset with me: "You're a huge pain, but I love you." And I replied: "You too, but I love you a lot." Well, if these conflicts are not pleasant at all, at least we have had some sense of humor to approach them. That's something very important.

Every time we say goodbye.....

My darling,

A beautiful song by Cole Porter which expresses better than I can my feeling this evening without you here by my side. I hope you got home safely. Let me know. x

Every Time We Say Goodbye

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little.
Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little.

Why the gods above me, who must be in the know,

think so little of me they allow you to go.

When you're near there's such an air of spring about it.

I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it.

There's no love song finer but how strange the change from major to

minor,

Every time we say goodbye, every single time we say goodbye.

From Angels to Apsaras

Apsara Dance, Bayon Temple

The jump from angels to apsaras is not such a big one: both angels and apsaras are graceful and inhabit a clestial realm in the Hindu/Buddhist pantheon of deities. We found some lovely angels on our visit to Chiang Mai recently and this past weekend, on your first visit to Cambodia, at the temples of Angkor, you encountered the apsaras whose main function is to dance and to entertain the Gods. The apsaras are carved in dancing postures on the pillars and lintels of almost every temple, performing an eternal dance for all those who visit. Sometimes their postures are gentle and their smiles enigmatic. Other times they stretch their limbs in the most fantastic ways, curving their arms and pulling their knees up close to their chests while grinning broadly. Yet despite these contortions, they remain controlled and elegant in their movements.

I have always liked apsaras and one morning while visiting the lesser known temple of Banteay Kdei with you, I decided to do something silly and try to imitate their dance after seeing them carved on the posts around us where we were standing. We were alone so I pulled my leg up and stretched out my arms and smiled widely with a really silly expression on my face. I wanted to make you laugh and asked you to take photos of me. Shaking your head in disbelief and asking if I was not "shy" to do "such things" you went along with me and I know you secretly enjoyed it. I told you how I think it is good to be silly sometimes and to have a good laugh at oneself. You told me in turn that in Latin America, people are afraid of looking ridiculous and of course we know well that you are a really "shy" guy. So I appreciated it all the more then when you agreed reluctantly (after a fair bit of coaxing) to perform your own version of the apsara dance for me. I laughed so hard I could barely keep from crying. That I think was the highlight of my morning! And for those who would never believe you could be convinced to do such a thing, we have the photos to prove it. Love you.

A sunset over Cambodia

 

     We have just come back from Siem Reap, in Cambodia. I loved the place and the people there. The many beautiful Khmer temples, built ten, eleven centuries ago, are remains of a golden age. On the other hand, the Cambodian people preserves something innocent and pure that the Westerners lost a long time ago.

     One of our greatest moments was in the end of last Sunday afternoon, when we just sit on the top of Pre rup to watch a postcard sunset. The sky displayed many shades of yellow and red against the greens of the forest below. We were there sitting side by side, hand in hand, talking carelessly about life, but mainly enjoying that magic moment. I have been a very lucky man to have such a pretty smart woman like you after so many accidents in my life.

Temple Angel

Thevada, Ubosot, Wat Phra Singh, Chiang Mai

We have just returned from a long weekend in the north where I introduced you to many things from my former life there. You got to experience the hotel I am working with, to visit my small piece of land outside the city and to try the food and touch the customs and culture that was very close to me for many years. It was great to share that with you and thanks for being so supportive of my life choices and for understanding them so well.  We spent a lot of time exploring the many temples in the city, some were right at the center of the old town while others were out of ways: for example the mountain top temple of Doi Suthep and the small but very beautiful village temple of Wat Ton Kwien. We shared some nice moments in each of them.

When I go back to these places I always find something new to discover no matter how many times I have visited them before and this time it was this stucco angel at the temple of Wat Phra Singh which caught my eye. This angel, which is called 'Thevada' in Thai is very beautifully crafted with a gentle face and hands held up in deep respect to all who enter. There is an elegant parasol over the angel's head and the contrast of the white stucco and the deep red of the wooden beams that enclose the space is also very nice. We were busy paying attention to the naga snakes on the temple's balustrade but I am glad we noticed this angel as well and took a moment to rest in front of it and to take some photos there. Thai people believe that each of us has a Thevada angel protecting us and keeping us from harm's way.  I hope we have one as well watching over us: taking pity for our past sad hearts and guiding us to a happier and more peaceful future. 

Two feet on an elephant's back

 

     We have just returned from four days in Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand, a place that is part of your story in this part of the world. I was really impressed by the particular culture of the city, its food, its music, its architecture, its lively streets. We had great moments visiting a series of Buddhist temples, where I was impressed by your knowledge of your religion and the Thai language, too. You are very smart and talented and I admire you a lot. I have learned very much with you!

     But you always like to have a taste of something very local anywhere we travel. Once in Vietnam we went to eat in a strange restaurant in a suburb of Hanoi. I'm still not very sure on what we ate there. This time the local adventure involved nothing more than elephants. We went for a ride in a big one, crossing a bit of the tropical forest on its back. They are very intelligent animals and very affective as well.

     In the middle of this ride, you asked me to take off my sandals and feel the texture of the elephant's skin and its thick hard hairs. It was great, but it was also an opportunity for our feet to have a moment of love and caring. This way any taste of something local anywhere will be lovely.

Love messages on an ordinary day

     In this day when I have been working from home, I went out to have lunch and my telephone was disconnected from the internet for a while. But as soon as I came back, just when I opened the door, I have got a message from you that reads: "I love you. My skirt loves you. And my fingers and lips love you too. That small curve on my lower back loves you and my hips, they love you too. Even the small green dots on my eyes love you. It's a lot of love, don't you think so too? xx"

     For a while I had no action and I was just re-reading it. You like to surprise me.

     This love you feel is the proper definition of happiness to me, because I am loving you with all my heart and soul as well. However, if I have to reply in your style, I would say that I love you. My football boots love you. And my eyes and legs love you too. My teeth and my chest (where you like to lay your head in the morning), they love you too. Even the lines in my face when I smile love you. It's a lot of love, don't you think so? Many kisses, my little darling!

Beautiful things are difficult

     I remember one day last month when we were walking around the historic  town of Tiradentes and, in a not so fancy part of it, we saw a graffiti on an old wall with a phrase: "Beautiful things are difficult," I even asked you to be near it, in order to take a picture of you, because that phrase has a lot to do with you...

     We are now on a weekend in the south of Thailand. Because you were working yesterday, I went on a boat trip to a few beaches in the Adaman Sea. In actuality, I'm maybe the only Brazilian guy who is not a fan of beaches and the sea. But I appreaciated the trip very much, not even because of the stunning landscapes, the warm green water and the little fish that accompany the swimmers all around, in expectation for some food. I also remembered that phrase, your phrase. Yes, beautiful things are difficult. For the first time in my life I went snorkeling, being possible to swim in places I wouldn't be able to swim without the snokel. And I could have amazing views of many sorts of fish at the bottom of the sea and I even saw an eel. But in the end, in my enthusiasm, I cut a toe in a rock and I slightly touched a jelly fish. And that reminded me of you. As a matter of fact, beautiful things are difficult!

Monsoon musings

In just 6 hours from now you'll board your flight in London heading to Thailand to be with me for a whole month. I'm excited to have you here again and to be able to share the small things that every day life holds together with you.  We have a nice plan to visit the south this weekend and we will also go somewhere to either Laos or Cambodia for a short getaway to explore a bit what the region has to offer.  The last time you visited Thailand it was the hot season and now you will arrive during the monsoon. Between the two, I think the monsoon is the better option. It can rain very heavily for an hour or two but then it passes and at least the temperatures are not sweltering the way they were in April. You may get soaked in a downpour from time to time but at least the rain is warm here, not like in London. I even like the monsoon some days. Living on the 18th floor, it is nice to be at home and watch the dark clouds roll in almost at eye level and to see the lightning light up the sky beyond the windows off in the distance. And of course, everything turns very lush and green. It is the rice planting season here and if we get the chance to get out into the countryside, you will see green paddy fields stretching out as far as the eye can see in places. It's beautiful and an essential part of the rhythm of life in Southeast Asia.  Well I am talking about the weather just to  pass the time and to distract myself from counting the minutes til you arrive and I have you at my side.  I love you. Til tomorrow.....

Monsoon scene - Rice fields in northern Thailand

Leaving for my woman

     In a few hours I will be traveling to Thailand in order to meet you again. I never imagined someday I would be crossing the world in order to see a woman. But I am happily doing it now. I am missing your touch, your smell and your conversation. And I am looking forward to travel with you by the Southeast Asia, where I had a great time in April. I know you will be at the airport to receive me with my name written in a piece of paper, because I told you I'm a bit envious of those people who arrive and has someone waiting for them with their names written in a piece of paper, because so many times I have traveled with no one waiting for me on arrival. So my name written in a piece of paper will make me feel special and happy, because not only there will be someone there but someone who came to the airport to fetch this guy specifically.

     I hope there will be one day when we won't be apart anymore, when we will be living in the same country, the same city, the same house, owning the same dog. Have I told you I love you today?

Delicious memories

I arrived home four days ago and have been busy catching up and getting back into the flow of normal everyday life after a long holiday with you in Brazil. My body is still not completely adjusted back to the time zone here and I am waking up at strange hours of the night.  I have only just started to reflect on my travels in Brazil and on all of the new things I saw and experienced. Even after spending almost a month there, I still feel I know it only on the most superficial level. I loved many places that we saw but I think perhaps Rio the most, especially the old town and port and our culinary walking tour of the area. I would be happy to go back again one day and explore it for longer and in more depth.

Thinking about it, there are lots of small things I discovered in Brazil which I am starting to miss as well. For example, the great juice bars which you find everywhere, the fried manioc snacks which are perfect with a beer and for breakfast, I miss pao de queijo the deliciously chewy cheese rolls made from tapioca flour which are sold at every bakery and corner shop across the country it seems. While not very good for my waistline, I loved them and can even say I was addicted to them by the end of the trip. But of course, the thing I am missing most right now from Brazil....is you. Thank goodness we will not be apart for long this time and I will be seeing you here in Thailand in less than a week from now. We will have a lovely time. 

Pao de queijo

A samba evening in the old Rio

     We have just arrived from a samba place in central Rio de Janeiro. It was a great evening talking, kissing and dancing together while we were listening to great music in a proper ambience. I like the mix of races, cultures and styles around the samba ring of musicians. I also tried my feet at the quintessential Brazilian rhythm. It seems you were impressed by seeing me dancing like that, because you know I am an incorrigible shy guy. But you tried it with me and it was so pleasant to have you there, so pretty, so sexy and so desirable dancing with me. This will be one of our best memories of Rio. When we are back here someday, I want to come back to the port area, a place so full of history and culture from where samba expanded and became so powerful. Thanks samba to make you and me so happy at the end of our last day here!

Steps

We have finished our visit to Minas Gerais and are headed for Rio, a city I have long looked forward to visiting for a long time now. I learned a lot these past two weeks traveling around with you and seeing a new country and a new part of the world. Despite experiencing many wonderful things our love has been tested in many ways.

But after much talking and soul searching, we seem to have found our footing once again and shared a wonderful day yesterday exploring the beautiful historic town of Ouro Preto. We visited a museum at the city centre and several important churches and discussed a lot about literature and art along the way. I felt very close to you and we ended up our day in a very charming and cozy restaurant called Passo which you told me in your language means 'Step'.  I liked this place very much and found the name suitable as well, not only because this old city is a place of incredibly steep steps that need to be negotiated at every turn, but because I felt that we had taken a new step in our relationship together, in the same direction. I think we are both feeling better now as a result.

View from our table at Passo Restaurant, Ouro Preto