A musician in Marrakech

   

     Tonight I will meet you again in Europe, after the four amazing days we spent together in Morocco. It was a whole new world to me, since this was the first time I stepped on Africa. Morocco has a strong and original culture. We could experiment new colors, tastes, smells, and sounds in that quite chaotic but always surprising atmosphere. It's a poor country, but its people is proud and strong.

     I remember that one day we were walking on a narrow street after visiting the Marrakech Museum when we met this musician. He was playing his instrument and singing with heart and soul. We stayed there for a while, watching his performance: a beautiful musicality to whom we are not accustomed.

     I am very happy to have met you, to have these chances see the world by your side, to talk for long about what we see and make plans for new discoveries, to try different food, different fashion, different approaches to people. I'm a better and more interesting person with you by my side.

Birthday Wishes

It has been a long time since I have written anything here. The last months have been difficult at best between us. Never mind. You know all about that already so I won't bother to repeat it here. I just wanted to send you a quick note before I slept to wish you a very happy birthday. You are 46 today and now officially one digit ahead of me again. :) We passed a nice weekend together in Marrakech and I hope you enjoyed your birthday weekend and gift with me. I had a nice time with you and shared some very good moments which made me happy as well. The riad is a bit sad and empty without you here.

I hope you had a good flight back and I send you a big hug and kiss for your special day. Enjoy a good start to what I hope will be your best and happiest year ever.

Love you birthday boy. xx

Me

Nuts

     After one month of being apart, we are together again in England. I was missing you, our walks hand in hand, our plans, our talks. By the way, last night we were talking about our favourite painters. When I told you five or six names, there was the comment that they are all dramatic, intense, deformative, Dionisyac and quite nuts. Here they are: Bosch, Bruegel, Caravaggio, Goya, Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo. After a while I also mentioned my favourite philosophers: Heraclitus, Montaigne, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Sartre. Again most of them are like that, and surely this taste reflects a lot of me.

     I remember one of your first talks, when we were still knowing each other better:

    

             - Are you nuts?

             - Yes, I am.

             - Great!

 

     Now I know that we were talking about that kind of deep, motivating, creative, and colourful madness.

Sick and away from you

     The weather in London, which is usually bad went to worse these last days. It's very cold and rainy. As a result, cold and flu viruses are circulating more intensely. And they have got me. I have been suffering with a sore throat, runny nose and some cough for two days already. Since something bad never comes alone, we had an argument before the weekend and you had to cross the world from Russia to Thailand after facing troubles with the immigration officers in Moscow because of an expired visa. And we were without contacting each other for a few days.

     All I can say is that I have missed you terribly. All along the last weekend I could feel very clearly how important you are to me and how my life is much more meaningful and exciting with you.

     I beg your pardon for my impulsiveness and sharp tongue. I don't want to lose you and I know that neither do you. The last image I keep of you is our goodbye in Prague a week ago, when you were hugging me tightly and crying because we would be apart again. But there will be a time when we won't say goodbye anymore. I go on loving you.

Time on my own

Watch tower and Cyprus trees, Dachau 

I have been on the road now for over 2 weeks, most of it very busy with work and appointments: on and off trains and planes and in and out of taxis and trams and offices all day long. I counted and realized that I have been in 6 countries in 10 days. Finally this past week here in Munich, my resistance broke down a bit and I came down with a nasty head cold. I knew it would happen at some point, I just did not know where or when. At least it was over a long weekend here when I planned to have some time for myself anyway as you are back in London now. I was able to rest a bit, which was good and I even found a small shop in a train station nearby with a Vietnamese family doing manicures and pedicures so I had this done, and while it couldn't compare to what I get in Thailand, it made me feel somewhat better as well.  It is hard to take care of oneself when  traveling so much and one place starts to blend into another. 

Yesterday I felt a bit better so I decided to spend the afternoon out and to explore a bit. In the city, Oktoberfest is in full swing and it is too full of partying crowds for my taste, so I took a train to Dachau, an hour outside of Munich, to visit the museum that is set up there in the grounds of the Nazis first concentration camp. I spent a few hours walking around, reading and reflecting. I learned that in addition to the Jews, many thousands of others also perished here: Russians, Italians, Catholic priests, Czechs, Poles and Roma gypsies and others.  

If you had been with me, we would have talked about everything we were seeing and you would have made bold and sweeping statements about the evils of fascism and dictatorships while I would have tried to draw parallels to world events today. I would have said how lucky we are not to have had to face such a situation in our own lives and how I couldn't imagine what I would have done if I had.  In the end, we would have been glad to share it. Going alone was fine but it is not the same as if we had been together.

On work out music

     I spent last month in Thailand, together with you while I was in summer holidays in my job in Europe. During that time, I tried to support you in your working out. In order to do that, I even tried some things I am not accostumed to, such as Yoga and kickboxing. I went to the gym with you a few times and it was great, but I have to confess that I can’t stand that kind of music that they usually listen – in very loud volume – in those places. It’s something extremely bad, real trash. I dare to say that that is ear raping. I have recently been far from gyms – exercising outdoors – because of that kind of “music”. You always tease me because I normally go running while listening to recited poetry, classical music, bossa nova, Diana Krall and so on.

     I always imagine an ideal working out session in the gym with people listening to the “Four Seasons” by Vivaldi, “The Passion According to Saint Matthew” by Bach, “Also Sprach Zarathustra” by Strauss, a selection of bossa nova, Bob Dylan, Billie Holiday or Edith Piaf. In that session, the instructor would be very enthusiast and very active, as well as his followers.  But this world is very far from being the best one possible...

Sunny summer days

The last few days have been spent wandering around Stockholm and discovering its sites of historic interest. It is our first visit to the city and we have both been impressed with what it has to offer visitors. While there is nothing on the scale of the monuments of Paris or London, it is "pleasant' in every way here: well laid out and very scenic with nice architecture fronting innumerable waterways.  The people are friendly and the standard of living here is very high as are the prices. But in any case, it is great to explore this place with you as I never imagined I would have the chance to visit.

I almost forgot to mention the weather which has been outstanding. We have been enjoying sunshine almost every day along with blue skies so we are very lucky considering most of the year it is freezing cold and dark in these parts. During our visit, we have been to many museums and other places but so far my favourite experience was when this afternoon we took a leisurely walk through the local neighborhoods of Soderman and Hornstull where we have our charming flat and enjoyed people watching, window shopping and a delicious plate of organically sourced Swedish meatballs at a trendy little cafe with some flat bread and cider. That was great. Simple but thoroughly enjoyable. I will keep it in mind always when I think of being here and sharing these days with you. 

Two pains

     I have come back to London after spending the whole month of August with you in Thailand, since I was still in summer holidays. We could be together every day and every night and do a wide variety of things. I am a bit tired from the long trip accross the world, but I am happy. This morning, when I woke up, I was recollecting the beautiful memories of this great time by your side.

     We had a few conflicts this time. When I look back, practically all of them were based on stupid things. I remember a message of yours on my phone after a fight and after you going to work rather upset with me: "You're a huge pain, but I love you." And I replied: "You too, but I love you a lot." Well, if these conflicts are not pleasant at all, at least we have had some sense of humor to approach them. That's something very important.

Every time we say goodbye.....

My darling,

A beautiful song by Cole Porter which expresses better than I can my feeling this evening without you here by my side. I hope you got home safely. Let me know. x

Every Time We Say Goodbye

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little.
Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little.

Why the gods above me, who must be in the know,

think so little of me they allow you to go.

When you're near there's such an air of spring about it.

I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it.

There's no love song finer but how strange the change from major to

minor,

Every time we say goodbye, every single time we say goodbye.

From Angels to Apsaras

Apsara Dance, Bayon Temple

The jump from angels to apsaras is not such a big one: both angels and apsaras are graceful and inhabit a clestial realm in the Hindu/Buddhist pantheon of deities. We found some lovely angels on our visit to Chiang Mai recently and this past weekend, on your first visit to Cambodia, at the temples of Angkor, you encountered the apsaras whose main function is to dance and to entertain the Gods. The apsaras are carved in dancing postures on the pillars and lintels of almost every temple, performing an eternal dance for all those who visit. Sometimes their postures are gentle and their smiles enigmatic. Other times they stretch their limbs in the most fantastic ways, curving their arms and pulling their knees up close to their chests while grinning broadly. Yet despite these contortions, they remain controlled and elegant in their movements.

I have always liked apsaras and one morning while visiting the lesser known temple of Banteay Kdei with you, I decided to do something silly and try to imitate their dance after seeing them carved on the posts around us where we were standing. We were alone so I pulled my leg up and stretched out my arms and smiled widely with a really silly expression on my face. I wanted to make you laugh and asked you to take photos of me. Shaking your head in disbelief and asking if I was not "shy" to do "such things" you went along with me and I know you secretly enjoyed it. I told you how I think it is good to be silly sometimes and to have a good laugh at oneself. You told me in turn that in Latin America, people are afraid of looking ridiculous and of course we know well that you are a really "shy" guy. So I appreciated it all the more then when you agreed reluctantly (after a fair bit of coaxing) to perform your own version of the apsara dance for me. I laughed so hard I could barely keep from crying. That I think was the highlight of my morning! And for those who would never believe you could be convinced to do such a thing, we have the photos to prove it. Love you.

A sunset over Cambodia

 

     We have just come back from Siem Reap, in Cambodia. I loved the place and the people there. The many beautiful Khmer temples, built ten, eleven centuries ago, are remains of a golden age. On the other hand, the Cambodian people preserves something innocent and pure that the Westerners lost a long time ago.

     One of our greatest moments was in the end of last Sunday afternoon, when we just sit on the top of Pre rup to watch a postcard sunset. The sky displayed many shades of yellow and red against the greens of the forest below. We were there sitting side by side, hand in hand, talking carelessly about life, but mainly enjoying that magic moment. I have been a very lucky man to have such a pretty smart woman like you after so many accidents in my life.

Temple Angel

Thevada, Ubosot, Wat Phra Singh, Chiang Mai

We have just returned from a long weekend in the north where I introduced you to many things from my former life there. You got to experience the hotel I am working with, to visit my small piece of land outside the city and to try the food and touch the customs and culture that was very close to me for many years. It was great to share that with you and thanks for being so supportive of my life choices and for understanding them so well.  We spent a lot of time exploring the many temples in the city, some were right at the center of the old town while others were out of ways: for example the mountain top temple of Doi Suthep and the small but very beautiful village temple of Wat Ton Kwien. We shared some nice moments in each of them.

When I go back to these places I always find something new to discover no matter how many times I have visited them before and this time it was this stucco angel at the temple of Wat Phra Singh which caught my eye. This angel, which is called 'Thevada' in Thai is very beautifully crafted with a gentle face and hands held up in deep respect to all who enter. There is an elegant parasol over the angel's head and the contrast of the white stucco and the deep red of the wooden beams that enclose the space is also very nice. We were busy paying attention to the naga snakes on the temple's balustrade but I am glad we noticed this angel as well and took a moment to rest in front of it and to take some photos there. Thai people believe that each of us has a Thevada angel protecting us and keeping us from harm's way.  I hope we have one as well watching over us: taking pity for our past sad hearts and guiding us to a happier and more peaceful future. 

Two feet on an elephant's back

 

     We have just returned from four days in Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand, a place that is part of your story in this part of the world. I was really impressed by the particular culture of the city, its food, its music, its architecture, its lively streets. We had great moments visiting a series of Buddhist temples, where I was impressed by your knowledge of your religion and the Thai language, too. You are very smart and talented and I admire you a lot. I have learned very much with you!

     But you always like to have a taste of something very local anywhere we travel. Once in Vietnam we went to eat in a strange restaurant in a suburb of Hanoi. I'm still not very sure on what we ate there. This time the local adventure involved nothing more than elephants. We went for a ride in a big one, crossing a bit of the tropical forest on its back. They are very intelligent animals and very affective as well.

     In the middle of this ride, you asked me to take off my sandals and feel the texture of the elephant's skin and its thick hard hairs. It was great, but it was also an opportunity for our feet to have a moment of love and caring. This way any taste of something local anywhere will be lovely.

Love messages on an ordinary day

     In this day when I have been working from home, I went out to have lunch and my telephone was disconnected from the internet for a while. But as soon as I came back, just when I opened the door, I have got a message from you that reads: "I love you. My skirt loves you. And my fingers and lips love you too. That small curve on my lower back loves you and my hips, they love you too. Even the small green dots on my eyes love you. It's a lot of love, don't you think so too? xx"

     For a while I had no action and I was just re-reading it. You like to surprise me.

     This love you feel is the proper definition of happiness to me, because I am loving you with all my heart and soul as well. However, if I have to reply in your style, I would say that I love you. My football boots love you. And my eyes and legs love you too. My teeth and my chest (where you like to lay your head in the morning), they love you too. Even the lines in my face when I smile love you. It's a lot of love, don't you think so? Many kisses, my little darling!

Beautiful things are difficult

     I remember one day last month when we were walking around the historic  town of Tiradentes and, in a not so fancy part of it, we saw a graffiti on an old wall with a phrase: "Beautiful things are difficult," I even asked you to be near it, in order to take a picture of you, because that phrase has a lot to do with you...

     We are now on a weekend in the south of Thailand. Because you were working yesterday, I went on a boat trip to a few beaches in the Adaman Sea. In actuality, I'm maybe the only Brazilian guy who is not a fan of beaches and the sea. But I appreaciated the trip very much, not even because of the stunning landscapes, the warm green water and the little fish that accompany the swimmers all around, in expectation for some food. I also remembered that phrase, your phrase. Yes, beautiful things are difficult. For the first time in my life I went snorkeling, being possible to swim in places I wouldn't be able to swim without the snokel. And I could have amazing views of many sorts of fish at the bottom of the sea and I even saw an eel. But in the end, in my enthusiasm, I cut a toe in a rock and I slightly touched a jelly fish. And that reminded me of you. As a matter of fact, beautiful things are difficult!

Monsoon musings

In just 6 hours from now you'll board your flight in London heading to Thailand to be with me for a whole month. I'm excited to have you here again and to be able to share the small things that every day life holds together with you.  We have a nice plan to visit the south this weekend and we will also go somewhere to either Laos or Cambodia for a short getaway to explore a bit what the region has to offer.  The last time you visited Thailand it was the hot season and now you will arrive during the monsoon. Between the two, I think the monsoon is the better option. It can rain very heavily for an hour or two but then it passes and at least the temperatures are not sweltering the way they were in April. You may get soaked in a downpour from time to time but at least the rain is warm here, not like in London. I even like the monsoon some days. Living on the 18th floor, it is nice to be at home and watch the dark clouds roll in almost at eye level and to see the lightning light up the sky beyond the windows off in the distance. And of course, everything turns very lush and green. It is the rice planting season here and if we get the chance to get out into the countryside, you will see green paddy fields stretching out as far as the eye can see in places. It's beautiful and an essential part of the rhythm of life in Southeast Asia.  Well I am talking about the weather just to  pass the time and to distract myself from counting the minutes til you arrive and I have you at my side.  I love you. Til tomorrow.....

Monsoon scene - Rice fields in northern Thailand

Leaving for my woman

     In a few hours I will be traveling to Thailand in order to meet you again. I never imagined someday I would be crossing the world in order to see a woman. But I am happily doing it now. I am missing your touch, your smell and your conversation. And I am looking forward to travel with you by the Southeast Asia, where I had a great time in April. I know you will be at the airport to receive me with my name written in a piece of paper, because I told you I'm a bit envious of those people who arrive and has someone waiting for them with their names written in a piece of paper, because so many times I have traveled with no one waiting for me on arrival. So my name written in a piece of paper will make me feel special and happy, because not only there will be someone there but someone who came to the airport to fetch this guy specifically.

     I hope there will be one day when we won't be apart anymore, when we will be living in the same country, the same city, the same house, owning the same dog. Have I told you I love you today?

Delicious memories

I arrived home four days ago and have been busy catching up and getting back into the flow of normal everyday life after a long holiday with you in Brazil. My body is still not completely adjusted back to the time zone here and I am waking up at strange hours of the night.  I have only just started to reflect on my travels in Brazil and on all of the new things I saw and experienced. Even after spending almost a month there, I still feel I know it only on the most superficial level. I loved many places that we saw but I think perhaps Rio the most, especially the old town and port and our culinary walking tour of the area. I would be happy to go back again one day and explore it for longer and in more depth.

Thinking about it, there are lots of small things I discovered in Brazil which I am starting to miss as well. For example, the great juice bars which you find everywhere, the fried manioc snacks which are perfect with a beer and for breakfast, I miss pao de queijo the deliciously chewy cheese rolls made from tapioca flour which are sold at every bakery and corner shop across the country it seems. While not very good for my waistline, I loved them and can even say I was addicted to them by the end of the trip. But of course, the thing I am missing most right now from Brazil....is you. Thank goodness we will not be apart for long this time and I will be seeing you here in Thailand in less than a week from now. We will have a lovely time. 

Pao de queijo

A samba evening in the old Rio

     We have just arrived from a samba place in central Rio de Janeiro. It was a great evening talking, kissing and dancing together while we were listening to great music in a proper ambience. I like the mix of races, cultures and styles around the samba ring of musicians. I also tried my feet at the quintessential Brazilian rhythm. It seems you were impressed by seeing me dancing like that, because you know I am an incorrigible shy guy. But you tried it with me and it was so pleasant to have you there, so pretty, so sexy and so desirable dancing with me. This will be one of our best memories of Rio. When we are back here someday, I want to come back to the port area, a place so full of history and culture from where samba expanded and became so powerful. Thanks samba to make you and me so happy at the end of our last day here!

Steps

We have finished our visit to Minas Gerais and are headed for Rio, a city I have long looked forward to visiting for a long time now. I learned a lot these past two weeks traveling around with you and seeing a new country and a new part of the world. Despite experiencing many wonderful things our love has been tested in many ways.

But after much talking and soul searching, we seem to have found our footing once again and shared a wonderful day yesterday exploring the beautiful historic town of Ouro Preto. We visited a museum at the city centre and several important churches and discussed a lot about literature and art along the way. I felt very close to you and we ended up our day in a very charming and cozy restaurant called Passo which you told me in your language means 'Step'.  I liked this place very much and found the name suitable as well, not only because this old city is a place of incredibly steep steps that need to be negotiated at every turn, but because I felt that we had taken a new step in our relationship together, in the same direction. I think we are both feeling better now as a result.

View from our table at Passo Restaurant, Ouro Preto

A journey through part of Brazil

     This huge concrete jungle is São Paulo, where I lived 17 years of my life, a place that I love despite of all annoyances and problems this urban monster presents us everyday. I was happy to walk the central area with you and show you many places, telling you a few stories about them. Also, it was great to visit some of the many museums there with you by my side and feel the tastes of the local culinary, especially with its fantastic bakeries.

     We are now in the tiny historic town of Tiradentes, a totally different place in its strong connection with the past, its silence, its provincial life, its chain of big mountains around. All these traveling experiences and the opportinity they provide for long talks and experiences together have bringing us closer and more intimate.

     I hope we have other chances to come to Brazil many times in the future. It's a big and very diverse reality that you will love to explore. But it will be even better to be together and just live our love in a new landscape, meeting different people along the way and simply finding how much this love is real and necessary.

Means of expression

Street Art, Penang, Malaysia

Your last post included an image of street art which you took for me on one of your walks around your hometown last week. You said it was very kitsch but I liked it and it made me think of our trip to Penang back in April when we spent some time actively searching out the street paintings which were listed on a street art map of the city. It was a bit tiring because of the heat but we had fun taking pictures and interacting with the paintings as we found them anyway. The one above was charming as we could sit on the swing attached to the wall next to these painted children and it really looked as if we were part of the scene. This also reminds me that on our very first trip to Istanbul back in February on the first day we were out walking around the city, we took photos next to a pretty wall painting we came across in an alleyway. I include a photo of this mural  for you here below from that day to remind you. Too bad the heart drawn next to it did not have the initials A & C instead of A & B or it would have been really perfect! 

I have never been a big fan of graffiti but the street art phenomena seems to have grown a lot in the past few years and  I have to admit it can add life, color and a whimsical touch to an otherwise nondescript space. It can also make a great backdrop for picture taking. So it is growing on me and I can appreciate it more and more as a means of expression although I still don't agree with random defacing of other people's property. It seems in Brazil there will be a lot of street art to discover. I have been reading about a place in Sao Paulo called 'Beco do Batman' or 'Batman's Alley' where the entire passageway is painted by different artists who continually change what is added there so it is always new and surprising. I am not sure if you have ever been to this place but it could be nice to go there and see it together on one of our days exploring around. We will have a good time taking photos together for sure, as we always do.

Beco do Batman, Sao Paulo, Brazil

To love is to have, to desire is to want

I recently listened to a talk by a psychologist on the dynamics of relationships: about why so many of us today are unhappy in love and why the majority of marriages fail. In the past she said, marriage was a social contract entered into to provide financial safety and familial stability and that people did not marry with an expectation of the fulfillment of romantic love. I am not sure this is entirely true but for certain marriage as a stabilizer and as a social pact was by far more important than the ideal of romance when choosing a partner in the past.

Yet today, we want and expect everything, and even diametrically opposed things from a single relationship. We want the safety and stability and certainty that marriage brings combined with the charge, attraction, desire and passion of a love affair. We want our partners to be our best friends and confidants, to share all of life's duties and burdens equally and to accept us with all our flaws and we expect them at the same time to be continually appealing, desirable and 'new' to us. The psychologist said that if love is about security and 'having',  desire is about 'wanting', it is the excitement of  'not having', of discovering, exploring and of the sensation this brings which makes us feel alive. 

It seems the key to longevity then in relationships is to keep some 'distance', not necessarily physical distance (as we are enduring now) but mental separation. To see one's partner not only in relation to oneself but as an individual. In other words to try to see this person so familiar to us with a sense of wonder and curiosity, to admire them for who they are and for their achievements, separate from our own. I had a moment like that last night when you sent me the letter your received from the university in Denmark listing off all of your academic qualifications and all that you have achieved in your career. This came at the perfect time actually, reminding us both of what you have done, after a week of you questioning yourself.

Going back to the issue of separation versus togetherness, it is a well known saying that 'familiarity breeds contempt' and this is true. Remember that couple with 3 kids we saw sitting across from us at the restaurant in Bangkok on your last night here in April and how they were staring blankly into space looking as miserable together as a couple could possibly be?  We observed them and said we hoped we would never be like that and that we would always take care to not take one another and our love for granted. I'm not sure we have followed this as well as we could have these past two months. But, in any case, we are in the process of building and defining our relationship and figuring out how we will go forward together while respecting each other's differences and individual selves. It is a bumpy road sometimes but we seem to find a way step by step towards a 'we' that we will both be happy with in the end. 

Blowing hearts on a wall

 

     It's great to be back to my hometown for a few days and meet my family, my friends, my books and my dogs again. Everytime I come here I watch the changes that have been taking place everywhere, some of them extreme and a number of them not very nice. How much nonsense has been done in the name of progress! But fortunately this small and unattractive urban sprawl, which is not even known by the rest of the country, still preserves a bit of innocence and peculiarity.

     Yesterday I was walking my dog near the School of Music, by the river, when I saw this graffiti on a wall. It's abominably kitsch, but I decided to take a picture of it and bring it here as a token of my love. When it comes to expressing my feelings for you, I don't mind to be cheesy or tacky.

     I can't wait to meet you in São Paulo international airport next week after a long time away from you. We have a fine plan for the time you will spend in Brazil and great things to do. I am delighted with your enthusiasm and excitement for the discoveries you and I will make together here.

A glimpse of things to come



Ouro Preto

I came across this old photo of the colonial town of Ouro Preto taken by a traveler in the 19th century while researching a bit on our upcoming trip around Brazil. I love old photographs and I thought this one was particularly romantic with its sepia tones showing off the traditional architecture of this historic 17th century gold mining town in the hills. It will be one of the places we visit on our 3 week trip around your country where we will dedicate a lot of our time to your own home state of Minas Gerais. I am excited about it and to discover it with you as my guide. I am used to always being 'the guide' while traveling so this will be a nice and welcome change for me.

I never dreamed I would be going to South America, no less to Brazil during the World Cup so it is an unexpected adventure and even better because of that. I don't know what to do to prepare myself properly to be honest, but am just looking forward to being back at your side, to switching off from work and the distractions and stresses of everyday life and to relaxing and absorbing a wonderful new place. Your place. Just 5 days to go.

Two passions

     Today is Valentine's Day in Brazil. I woke up thinking about you and wanting to be with you. My 18-year old nephew has just gone out with a breakfast basket to his girlfriend. 

     It's also the opening of the World Cup, with Brazil playing. All the nation is expecting this game for a long time. It will be a moment to get together and celebrate. I wish you were here to share this moment with me, my family and my friends. In two weeks, however, we will be together again and you will experience a bit of the Brazilian passion for football. And it will be even better to be with you and travel around São Paulo, Minas Gerais and Rio de Janeiro. You will be better than the World Cup to me.

If I should lose you...

Smalls Bar, Bangkok

Last Sunday evening I stumbled across a cozy new neighborhood bar whilst out walking around and exploring a  neighborhood not far from my home. I liked the place immediately, went in, sat down and ordered dinner and enjoyed listening to the great jazz music they had playing in the background. Some songs I knew and others I did not but they were all great and just my taste. I fell for the place and thought how nice it would be to bring you here with me when you are back in August.

Listening to the music that evening reminded me that I had myself collected a lot of jazz music and albums on my old computer which I had not listened to in ages and so I came home and started to dig through my music library to rediscover them. I wound up creating a very big jazz playlist as a result which I have been listening to ever since. There are so many songs in this list that my computer tells me it would take 26 hours to hear them all, which is a lot if you think about it. And I have more to add still.  When you are here it will be nice to listen to it together while we enjoy mornings in bed or over brunch while relaxing at home.

Just now I had it playing and heard a song called 'If I Should Lose You' by Nina Simone, one of my all-time favorite singers, and it made me think of you. Here are the lyrics and a recording of this sad but beautiful song. I hope you like it.

If I should lose you

The stars would fall from the skies

If I should lose you

The leaves would wither and die

The birds in Maytime

They'd sing a mournful refrain

And I would wander around

Hating the sound of rain

With you beside me

No wind in winter would blow

With you beside me

A rose would bloom in the snow

I gave you my love 

But I was living a dream

And living would seem in vain

If I lost you

 

Expecting you

     I'm now in São Paulo, in a sojourn along the south hemisphere winter. Some days can be very cold here, especially in July and August. It's my second winter in the same year! But all right. I am thinking about you all these days and I am looking forward to meeting you in three weeks. I will be happy to show you a lot of interesting things in Brazil during this period when the world will be looking at the World Cup here. I've been missing you a lot, but when we talk through the internet and I see you it soothes a bit my urge to have you in my arms again. Come quickly!

The start of a love affair

Cachaça - Camden Town

I have been lucky to travel to many countries and to discover cultures and places which are different from my own. For the last 15 years or so my travels have been more or less Asia-focused as I have been based here and while there are still plenty of places in this part of the world left to explore, I have been feeling lately that it is time to move beyond what is familiar in order to wake up that sense of curiosity and wonder one feels when discovering someplace new and unknown. I did this last year when I traveled to Morocco and it was a very rewarding experience. I had been thinking of going to Africa this year but I met you and you invited me to join you on holiday in Brazil instead which is how this all started.

Now with the tickets and accommodation booked, the reality of the trip is beginning to take hold. I am very much looking forward to it and my head is already full of notions of what it will be like there. I imagine a place full of colour with a rich history and a diverse mix of people. We will have fun taking many nice photos and of course it will be a very exciting time with the World Cup taking place during our visit. It seems there is music, dance and food to discover and lots of charming neighborhoods to walk through arm in arm with you.

Thinking of this I am reminded of one of the last evenings we spent together in London back in March when we went for a long afternoon walk through Bloomsbury, past my old student dormitory and past your own old apartment in Euston, strolling further along a canal all the way to Camden Town. We intended to eat that evening in a Persian restaurant but instead, somehow wound up in a small Brazilian cafe in a side street which you remembered from a previous visit.

It was busy when we arrived and there were no proper tables available but they found us a place to sit at the front of the restaurant where we ordered tasty Brazilian snacks such as squid and fried cassava along with several bottles of Brahma beer. We sat just below a TV screen mounted on a wall that was playing outdated videos of Rio's famous tourist sites accompanied by Brazilian songs from the 1970's. It was a warm and cozy time sitting there with you chatting away. The  bottles of cachaça on the shelf next to us caught my eye with their exuberant label designs and happy colours, so I snapped a photo of them. Afterwards we walked out into the chilly night , me feeling convinced that I would surely love your country and all it has to offer. This is no surprise really as my love affair with Brazil began the moment that I fell for you.

Heading south

     Tomorrow I will be crossing the Atlantic Ocean towards São Paulo. I am looking forward to this for a few weeks already, because Brazil is the place to be along the next two months for all the football lovers in the world. The World Cup will be a great event, but there will be an even better event during that time: your arrival and sojourn there for a few weeks. I'll be happy to show you a bit of my country, travelling with you to lovely places in just three states around the region where I was born. You'll feel the colours, the smells, the tastes, the sounds and the ambience of Minas Gerais, São Paulo and Rio de Janeiro. I hope I can be a so good host and guide as you were to me in Thailand last month. I always enjoy our travel plans and the things we have done together around the world. And I am loving you dearly.

This Lonely House

One month from today I will be aboard a flight, finally taking the long journey to meet you in Brazil. You know how much I am looking forward to seeing you and being once again at your side. The next month will be hard and long but at least with each day that passes, I will be one day closer to being with you there.

I went to a wonderful party yesterday evening to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. The atmosphere was perfect and as it was a 'Roaring Twenties/Flapper' theme, it was a stylish affair with everyone dressing the part. It was a nice counterpoint to the heavy feeling in Bangkok this week with the unstable political situation and all of us really enjoyed it. The only thing missing of course was you. I imagined how handsome you would be dressed in old style trousers, a crisp white shirt and perhaps suspenders or a hat to complete the picture. It would have been great fun to be there together with you, sipping champagne and enjoying oysters on the rooftop balcony overlooking one of Bangkok's few green spaces as the sun set.

I came home afterwards and was reading some of the 'Love Sonnets' by Pablo Neruda and found this one, which perfectly expresses my feeling at the moment as I am missing you here very much and counting the days til we are reunited.

"So I wait for you like a lonely house

till you will see me again and live in me.

Til then my windows ache."

Still about giving

     The story of The Gift of the Magi you retold below reminded me of a great tale by Giovanni Boccaccio in his Decameron. It's about a man, Federigo degli Alberighi, a wealthy Florentine who falls in love with Monna Giovanna and spends all his money giving parties in her honor, trying to conquer her heart with no success (she was already married). After losing everything, he goes to live in a small cottage in the countryside together with his last valuable thing: a beautiful trained falcon that he used to hunt.

     One day Monna Giovanna's husband gets ill and dies, and for a while she dedicates herself only to her beloved son, a not very healthy boy. Looking for a good climate in order to invigorate him, they go for a sojourn in the country in the summertime, staying in a house near Federigo's. There the boy gets close to him and gets amazed by his falcon, spending hours giving orders to the bird, seeing it hunting and coming to alight on his arm. However, some time later, Monna Giovanna's son gets very ill. Suffering very much in bed, he says to his mom that in order to recover his good health he needs to have Federigo's falcon. She has no choice besides going to the neighbor's house and asking him the bird for her son.

     When Federigo - who still loves her dearly - sees her coming to his house at lunchtime, he decides to offer her a good meal, but he has nothing that is good enough to cook, because now his living conditions are very poor. So, constrained by his circumstances, he decides to cook his most valuable thing to her: the falcon. The couple has a nice time, talking for long over their meal. But in the end, when Monna Giovanna asks him whether he can give her the falcon, he bursts into tears and tell her that he had already given it to her in the form of the lunch they had just had. 

     A few days later the boy gets worse and dies. After some time, Monna Giovanna's brothers start pressuring her to remarry. After a while she resolves to do it, choosing to marry Federigo, who had proved to be so generous and noble-hearted, and had suffered so much for her. Initially the brothers disapprove her choice, because Federigo is poor, but she remains adamant. Then Monna Giovanna and Federigo gets married and both live happily well and comfortable again, because she was a wealthy woman. 

     I expect that we always cultivate generosity towards each other and all the people we love. Money and material things are valuable only to the extent they can be used to provide us with comfort and things that are meaninful to our happiness. I am not interested in accumulating a fortune just for the sake of being rich and recognized by that. For you, no doubt I would be able to act like Federigo did.

Giving

I was just thinking of the nice and popular story "The Gift of The Magi", which is told often around Christmas time to illustrate the true meaning of giving. It is also a story about love and I have always liked it.  In it, a poor couple, in search of the perfect Christmas gift, each gives up the thing that he or she values most in order to buy something for the other: for the woman, her beautiful, thick, long tresses, for the man, a precious watch which his  father had given to him.

One Christmas, with no money to buy a gift for one another, the woman decides she will cut off and sell her hair in order to be able to buy a gold chain for her husband's prized watch. The husband in turn decides to sell his watch in order to buy a set of fancy combs to adorn his beloved's hair. When the couple reveal their gifts to each other, they realize they were now useless but were touched deeply by the sacrifice the other had made.

It is a nice reminder of how when we give with an open heart, we get back much more in return. You and I have been talking a lot lately about how to take care of one another and how to make each other happy despite the distance between us. Sometimes we are better at it than at other times.  Tonight for example you decided to make time for us to share in a meaningful way even though it was during the time of day when you would normally go running, which is something you enjoy doing for yourself and which is part of your daily routine. When I asked you why you were not going running when you normally would, you replied, 'Because you are my priority.' I was really surprised and happy and at the end of our nice talk, I encouraged you to go for your run anyway and not to miss it. It seems easy to give and to be worried about the other's needs when you feel that they are also taking care of yours. I hope you had a nice run and that you thought about us all along the way.

A place two hearts can understand

'You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.'
-Walt Whitman, 'Song of Myself'

Love is something mysterious and at times difficult. It is not very rational either. I am sure we both agree on this point. It was not reasonable to have chosen to love one another across such a distance yet inexplicably, we have chosen it. Having this distance between us can be complicated at times and can cause misunderstandings which can last for days. Last week we faced such a situation again and it was very hard on both of us. Despite this though, we managed to come back to each other, shake off the hurt and move forward knowing that neither of us would be happy for very long without the other.

Last night I discovered these verses from 'Song of Myself' by Walt Whitman from his "Leaves of Grass", and they made me think of you and I and our recent troubles. For me they capture the essence of the mystery of love and how, even after losing one another, lovers can find a way to meet back in a place that only their two hearts can understand.

Under martial law

     I have accompanied what is happening in Thailand, where last night the militaries declared matial law. That means that public manifestations are prohibitted and that soldiers are occupying the streets and carrying heavy weapons after a long series of conflicts between pros and cons the current government. 

     Of course I am worried about you. When I was a kid in Latin America, the militaries, after tooking over the power through a coup d'état, committed the most ignoble crimes under the sponsorship of the United States. So I grew up with a strong aversion to all sorts of militaries. I just hope those infamies don't happen in Thailand, despite of the fact that a coup d'état is already a crime.

     From this huge distance I am from Bangkok, I cannot offer you much protection in case there are violent conflicts on the streets. Just take care, because any man with a gun in his hand is always a potential monster.

Your bathroom cats

     I felt like home in your apartment along the three weeks I stayed there. It is a cozy and tidy place, with many souvenirs of your travels, a fine collection of Buddhas and many kinds of beautiful orchids at the balcony. Even your bathroom is well-decorated, as one can see by these three cats that live there and called my attention by their colors and their different personalities.

     When life allows us to be together at the same place, at the same corner of the world, I hope we can organize a stylish house where we will feel comfortable and happy. By my part, I imagine it full of books and a few photographs of my favorite writers around my desk.

My Captain!

This morning I found myself back at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport on my way to catch a flight south to Krabi. The last time I was here was with you two weeks ago to check in to our flight to Penang. You will remember that well I am sure as through some misunderstanding about the departure time and some very long lines at immigration, we came close indeed to missing our flight. I have to admit, I have a bad and longstanding habit of cutting it too close when it comes to airport departures. I have even missed flights because of this, more than once actually. You know this well as it happened to me in London when I was with you, enjoying our last minutes together over a plate of pasta at an airport restaurant before heading to Berlin, and I missed the cut off time to go through the security gate. It was an expensive lesson for me, costing several hundred pounds and a fair bit of inconvenience to re-book the flight for the next day. You were kind and came back from the tube platform where you were about to board to to return home in order to spend the night with me at the airport hotel and to see me off at the crack of dawn the next morning.

With the flight to Penang, you proposed we leave home earlier and I told you there was no need. You sighed but went along with me, however in the end, you were right. You who is always very early for every flight and train and appointment, must have been frustrated by my utter lack of urgency. But then when we really almost didn't make it this time, I think you had quite enough of it and told me that I can be the boss (patroa) of many things in our relationship but that when it came to airport departures, you would be firmly in charge and the captain. I had no choice but to agree, knowing you were right and that you really are better than me in this department. And then I had fun trying to pronounce the Portuguese word for captain, 'capitão', as you say it, with that distinct nasal intonation which is so tough for non-native speakers.

This morning I had to manage getting to the airport on my own, without my captain, and I made it. You were with me throughout my journey though, telling me in my ear all along  the way to 'hurry up'!

A rose in Regent's Park

     It's springtime, my favorite season in London, despite of the weather, which is sometimes a bit chilly, sometimes a bit rainy. In the middle of this sunny afternoon, however, I happened to cross Regent's Park, in the central area. It is beautiful with so many types of flowers, colors, smells, bees and butterflies. I lived near this park last year and I used to run in it by the end of the day. That was a nice time.

     Today I passed by an area that was full of all sorts of roses. This one called my attention and made me think of you, who are like her: pretty, thorny, perfumed, delicate, elegant.

     A popular character by Saint-Exupéry once uttered that you cannot love roses in general, that you can only love one specific rose. Therefore, being responsible for her is accepting her even in her fragility and her thorniness. That's what I feel now, at the end of a week of misunderstandings.

A memorable snack

Thod Mun Pla

Today while having lunch next to my office I noticed an old woman carrying a plate of Thod Mun Pla (spicy Thai fish cakes) past me on the way back to her table. This reminded me of a time not so long ago, on one of the hottest days of April, when we were exploring Bangkok's old quarter and its famous temple, Wat Pho, together. Wandering around at 3 o'clock in the afternoon after several hot and sticky hours spent taking photos in the Grand Palace complex, we found ourselves suddenly tired and hungry.

Luckily here in Thailand, good food is never far away and we stumbled across a woman making and selling these fish cakes in the temple itself. I bought a plate of them for us and we found a quiet, out of the way corner to sit and eat them. It was a nice time despite the heat, sitting there with you in that doorway, eating those little fish patties doused in tangy vinegar, chili and cucumber sauce. We chatted and regained our energy as we watched many small novices making preparations for the New Year festival and its accompanying activities. Now when I see this snack around the streets and markets here, I will think of that short but happy moment shared with you one April afternoon.

Wat Pho 

Warmth of my life

Seville Still Life #2 - Henri Matisse

Matisse painted this still life in 1910, inspired by his travels in southern Spain where the colours, warm air, flowering plants and sun drenched beauty of the landscape touched him deeply. I love Matisse’s paintings with their bold, happy colours, simple patterns and lines so adeptly drawn. His love of the ‘exotic’ and faraway places is also close to my heart. You may remember we saw a wonderful Matisse hanging in the collection at L’Orangerie when we were in Paris together. To make you smile, I told you of all the paintings there that this was the one I would like to bring home to hang in my living room if I could. I was reminded of it today when I came across a short but beautiful poem by Jacques Prévert, a favourite poet of yours and mine. It is titled ‘Alicante’, after the city in Spain, and I thought it the perfect complement to Matisse’s painting.

Alicante

Une orange sure la table

Ta robe sur le tapis

Et toi dans mon lit

Doux présent du présent

Fraîcheur de la nuit

Chaleur de ma vie

An orange upon the table

Your dress on the run

And you in my bed

Sweet present of the present

Freshness of the night

Warmth of my life

Prévert’s poetry always manages to capture deep human emotion with the simplest of words and this is what makes him great. Here he evokes a scene of love set somewhere in this Spanish city, which, apart from the title of the poem, is cleverly hinted at only by the mention of the orange in the first line. I love the way the narrator’s contentment is expressed so simply with so few words as he observes his lover in bed after a night of passion.

You know it is the simple things that I enjoy sharing with you and which make me most happy: the feeling of your hand in mine as we walk together, enjoying a delicious meal in a cozy restaurant, an afternoon at a museum somewhere spent in conversation, your warm embrace. Just like in Prevert’s poem, in a short few months, you have become the ‘warmth of my life’, my ‘present of present’, in my bed and in my head wherever I may be in the world.