Means of expression

Street Art, Penang, Malaysia

Your last post included an image of street art which you took for me on one of your walks around your hometown last week. You said it was very kitsch but I liked it and it made me think of our trip to Penang back in April when we spent some time actively searching out the street paintings which were listed on a street art map of the city. It was a bit tiring because of the heat but we had fun taking pictures and interacting with the paintings as we found them anyway. The one above was charming as we could sit on the swing attached to the wall next to these painted children and it really looked as if we were part of the scene. This also reminds me that on our very first trip to Istanbul back in February on the first day we were out walking around the city, we took photos next to a pretty wall painting we came across in an alleyway. I include a photo of this mural  for you here below from that day to remind you. Too bad the heart drawn next to it did not have the initials A & C instead of A & B or it would have been really perfect! 

I have never been a big fan of graffiti but the street art phenomena seems to have grown a lot in the past few years and  I have to admit it can add life, color and a whimsical touch to an otherwise nondescript space. It can also make a great backdrop for picture taking. So it is growing on me and I can appreciate it more and more as a means of expression although I still don't agree with random defacing of other people's property. It seems in Brazil there will be a lot of street art to discover. I have been reading about a place in Sao Paulo called 'Beco do Batman' or 'Batman's Alley' where the entire passageway is painted by different artists who continually change what is added there so it is always new and surprising. I am not sure if you have ever been to this place but it could be nice to go there and see it together on one of our days exploring around. We will have a good time taking photos together for sure, as we always do.

Beco do Batman, Sao Paulo, Brazil

To love is to have, to desire is to want

I recently listened to a talk by a psychologist on the dynamics of relationships: about why so many of us today are unhappy in love and why the majority of marriages fail. In the past she said, marriage was a social contract entered into to provide financial safety and familial stability and that people did not marry with an expectation of the fulfillment of romantic love. I am not sure this is entirely true but for certain marriage as a stabilizer and as a social pact was by far more important than the ideal of romance when choosing a partner in the past.

Yet today, we want and expect everything, and even diametrically opposed things from a single relationship. We want the safety and stability and certainty that marriage brings combined with the charge, attraction, desire and passion of a love affair. We want our partners to be our best friends and confidants, to share all of life's duties and burdens equally and to accept us with all our flaws and we expect them at the same time to be continually appealing, desirable and 'new' to us. The psychologist said that if love is about security and 'having',  desire is about 'wanting', it is the excitement of  'not having', of discovering, exploring and of the sensation this brings which makes us feel alive. 

It seems the key to longevity then in relationships is to keep some 'distance', not necessarily physical distance (as we are enduring now) but mental separation. To see one's partner not only in relation to oneself but as an individual. In other words to try to see this person so familiar to us with a sense of wonder and curiosity, to admire them for who they are and for their achievements, separate from our own. I had a moment like that last night when you sent me the letter your received from the university in Denmark listing off all of your academic qualifications and all that you have achieved in your career. This came at the perfect time actually, reminding us both of what you have done, after a week of you questioning yourself.

Going back to the issue of separation versus togetherness, it is a well known saying that 'familiarity breeds contempt' and this is true. Remember that couple with 3 kids we saw sitting across from us at the restaurant in Bangkok on your last night here in April and how they were staring blankly into space looking as miserable together as a couple could possibly be?  We observed them and said we hoped we would never be like that and that we would always take care to not take one another and our love for granted. I'm not sure we have followed this as well as we could have these past two months. But, in any case, we are in the process of building and defining our relationship and figuring out how we will go forward together while respecting each other's differences and individual selves. It is a bumpy road sometimes but we seem to find a way step by step towards a 'we' that we will both be happy with in the end. 

Blowing hearts on a wall

 

     It's great to be back to my hometown for a few days and meet my family, my friends, my books and my dogs again. Everytime I come here I watch the changes that have been taking place everywhere, some of them extreme and a number of them not very nice. How much nonsense has been done in the name of progress! But fortunately this small and unattractive urban sprawl, which is not even known by the rest of the country, still preserves a bit of innocence and peculiarity.

     Yesterday I was walking my dog near the School of Music, by the river, when I saw this graffiti on a wall. It's abominably kitsch, but I decided to take a picture of it and bring it here as a token of my love. When it comes to expressing my feelings for you, I don't mind to be cheesy or tacky.

     I can't wait to meet you in São Paulo international airport next week after a long time away from you. We have a fine plan for the time you will spend in Brazil and great things to do. I am delighted with your enthusiasm and excitement for the discoveries you and I will make together here.

A glimpse of things to come



Ouro Preto

I came across this old photo of the colonial town of Ouro Preto taken by a traveler in the 19th century while researching a bit on our upcoming trip around Brazil. I love old photographs and I thought this one was particularly romantic with its sepia tones showing off the traditional architecture of this historic 17th century gold mining town in the hills. It will be one of the places we visit on our 3 week trip around your country where we will dedicate a lot of our time to your own home state of Minas Gerais. I am excited about it and to discover it with you as my guide. I am used to always being 'the guide' while traveling so this will be a nice and welcome change for me.

I never dreamed I would be going to South America, no less to Brazil during the World Cup so it is an unexpected adventure and even better because of that. I don't know what to do to prepare myself properly to be honest, but am just looking forward to being back at your side, to switching off from work and the distractions and stresses of everyday life and to relaxing and absorbing a wonderful new place. Your place. Just 5 days to go.

Two passions

     Today is Valentine's Day in Brazil. I woke up thinking about you and wanting to be with you. My 18-year old nephew has just gone out with a breakfast basket to his girlfriend. 

     It's also the opening of the World Cup, with Brazil playing. All the nation is expecting this game for a long time. It will be a moment to get together and celebrate. I wish you were here to share this moment with me, my family and my friends. In two weeks, however, we will be together again and you will experience a bit of the Brazilian passion for football. And it will be even better to be with you and travel around São Paulo, Minas Gerais and Rio de Janeiro. You will be better than the World Cup to me.

If I should lose you...

Smalls Bar, Bangkok

Last Sunday evening I stumbled across a cozy new neighborhood bar whilst out walking around and exploring a  neighborhood not far from my home. I liked the place immediately, went in, sat down and ordered dinner and enjoyed listening to the great jazz music they had playing in the background. Some songs I knew and others I did not but they were all great and just my taste. I fell for the place and thought how nice it would be to bring you here with me when you are back in August.

Listening to the music that evening reminded me that I had myself collected a lot of jazz music and albums on my old computer which I had not listened to in ages and so I came home and started to dig through my music library to rediscover them. I wound up creating a very big jazz playlist as a result which I have been listening to ever since. There are so many songs in this list that my computer tells me it would take 26 hours to hear them all, which is a lot if you think about it. And I have more to add still.  When you are here it will be nice to listen to it together while we enjoy mornings in bed or over brunch while relaxing at home.

Just now I had it playing and heard a song called 'If I Should Lose You' by Nina Simone, one of my all-time favorite singers, and it made me think of you. Here are the lyrics and a recording of this sad but beautiful song. I hope you like it.

If I should lose you

The stars would fall from the skies

If I should lose you

The leaves would wither and die

The birds in Maytime

They'd sing a mournful refrain

And I would wander around

Hating the sound of rain

With you beside me

No wind in winter would blow

With you beside me

A rose would bloom in the snow

I gave you my love 

But I was living a dream

And living would seem in vain

If I lost you

 

Expecting you

     I'm now in São Paulo, in a sojourn along the south hemisphere winter. Some days can be very cold here, especially in July and August. It's my second winter in the same year! But all right. I am thinking about you all these days and I am looking forward to meeting you in three weeks. I will be happy to show you a lot of interesting things in Brazil during this period when the world will be looking at the World Cup here. I've been missing you a lot, but when we talk through the internet and I see you it soothes a bit my urge to have you in my arms again. Come quickly!

The start of a love affair

Cachaça - Camden Town

I have been lucky to travel to many countries and to discover cultures and places which are different from my own. For the last 15 years or so my travels have been more or less Asia-focused as I have been based here and while there are still plenty of places in this part of the world left to explore, I have been feeling lately that it is time to move beyond what is familiar in order to wake up that sense of curiosity and wonder one feels when discovering someplace new and unknown. I did this last year when I traveled to Morocco and it was a very rewarding experience. I had been thinking of going to Africa this year but I met you and you invited me to join you on holiday in Brazil instead which is how this all started.

Now with the tickets and accommodation booked, the reality of the trip is beginning to take hold. I am very much looking forward to it and my head is already full of notions of what it will be like there. I imagine a place full of colour with a rich history and a diverse mix of people. We will have fun taking many nice photos and of course it will be a very exciting time with the World Cup taking place during our visit. It seems there is music, dance and food to discover and lots of charming neighborhoods to walk through arm in arm with you.

Thinking of this I am reminded of one of the last evenings we spent together in London back in March when we went for a long afternoon walk through Bloomsbury, past my old student dormitory and past your own old apartment in Euston, strolling further along a canal all the way to Camden Town. We intended to eat that evening in a Persian restaurant but instead, somehow wound up in a small Brazilian cafe in a side street which you remembered from a previous visit.

It was busy when we arrived and there were no proper tables available but they found us a place to sit at the front of the restaurant where we ordered tasty Brazilian snacks such as squid and fried cassava along with several bottles of Brahma beer. We sat just below a TV screen mounted on a wall that was playing outdated videos of Rio's famous tourist sites accompanied by Brazilian songs from the 1970's. It was a warm and cozy time sitting there with you chatting away. The  bottles of cachaça on the shelf next to us caught my eye with their exuberant label designs and happy colours, so I snapped a photo of them. Afterwards we walked out into the chilly night , me feeling convinced that I would surely love your country and all it has to offer. This is no surprise really as my love affair with Brazil began the moment that I fell for you.

Heading south

     Tomorrow I will be crossing the Atlantic Ocean towards São Paulo. I am looking forward to this for a few weeks already, because Brazil is the place to be along the next two months for all the football lovers in the world. The World Cup will be a great event, but there will be an even better event during that time: your arrival and sojourn there for a few weeks. I'll be happy to show you a bit of my country, travelling with you to lovely places in just three states around the region where I was born. You'll feel the colours, the smells, the tastes, the sounds and the ambience of Minas Gerais, São Paulo and Rio de Janeiro. I hope I can be a so good host and guide as you were to me in Thailand last month. I always enjoy our travel plans and the things we have done together around the world. And I am loving you dearly.

This Lonely House

One month from today I will be aboard a flight, finally taking the long journey to meet you in Brazil. You know how much I am looking forward to seeing you and being once again at your side. The next month will be hard and long but at least with each day that passes, I will be one day closer to being with you there.

I went to a wonderful party yesterday evening to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. The atmosphere was perfect and as it was a 'Roaring Twenties/Flapper' theme, it was a stylish affair with everyone dressing the part. It was a nice counterpoint to the heavy feeling in Bangkok this week with the unstable political situation and all of us really enjoyed it. The only thing missing of course was you. I imagined how handsome you would be dressed in old style trousers, a crisp white shirt and perhaps suspenders or a hat to complete the picture. It would have been great fun to be there together with you, sipping champagne and enjoying oysters on the rooftop balcony overlooking one of Bangkok's few green spaces as the sun set.

I came home afterwards and was reading some of the 'Love Sonnets' by Pablo Neruda and found this one, which perfectly expresses my feeling at the moment as I am missing you here very much and counting the days til we are reunited.

"So I wait for you like a lonely house

till you will see me again and live in me.

Til then my windows ache."

Still about giving

     The story of The Gift of the Magi you retold below reminded me of a great tale by Giovanni Boccaccio in his Decameron. It's about a man, Federigo degli Alberighi, a wealthy Florentine who falls in love with Monna Giovanna and spends all his money giving parties in her honor, trying to conquer her heart with no success (she was already married). After losing everything, he goes to live in a small cottage in the countryside together with his last valuable thing: a beautiful trained falcon that he used to hunt.

     One day Monna Giovanna's husband gets ill and dies, and for a while she dedicates herself only to her beloved son, a not very healthy boy. Looking for a good climate in order to invigorate him, they go for a sojourn in the country in the summertime, staying in a house near Federigo's. There the boy gets close to him and gets amazed by his falcon, spending hours giving orders to the bird, seeing it hunting and coming to alight on his arm. However, some time later, Monna Giovanna's son gets very ill. Suffering very much in bed, he says to his mom that in order to recover his good health he needs to have Federigo's falcon. She has no choice besides going to the neighbor's house and asking him the bird for her son.

     When Federigo - who still loves her dearly - sees her coming to his house at lunchtime, he decides to offer her a good meal, but he has nothing that is good enough to cook, because now his living conditions are very poor. So, constrained by his circumstances, he decides to cook his most valuable thing to her: the falcon. The couple has a nice time, talking for long over their meal. But in the end, when Monna Giovanna asks him whether he can give her the falcon, he bursts into tears and tell her that he had already given it to her in the form of the lunch they had just had. 

     A few days later the boy gets worse and dies. After some time, Monna Giovanna's brothers start pressuring her to remarry. After a while she resolves to do it, choosing to marry Federigo, who had proved to be so generous and noble-hearted, and had suffered so much for her. Initially the brothers disapprove her choice, because Federigo is poor, but she remains adamant. Then Monna Giovanna and Federigo gets married and both live happily well and comfortable again, because she was a wealthy woman. 

     I expect that we always cultivate generosity towards each other and all the people we love. Money and material things are valuable only to the extent they can be used to provide us with comfort and things that are meaninful to our happiness. I am not interested in accumulating a fortune just for the sake of being rich and recognized by that. For you, no doubt I would be able to act like Federigo did.

Giving

I was just thinking of the nice and popular story "The Gift of The Magi", which is told often around Christmas time to illustrate the true meaning of giving. It is also a story about love and I have always liked it.  In it, a poor couple, in search of the perfect Christmas gift, each gives up the thing that he or she values most in order to buy something for the other: for the woman, her beautiful, thick, long tresses, for the man, a precious watch which his  father had given to him.

One Christmas, with no money to buy a gift for one another, the woman decides she will cut off and sell her hair in order to be able to buy a gold chain for her husband's prized watch. The husband in turn decides to sell his watch in order to buy a set of fancy combs to adorn his beloved's hair. When the couple reveal their gifts to each other, they realize they were now useless but were touched deeply by the sacrifice the other had made.

It is a nice reminder of how when we give with an open heart, we get back much more in return. You and I have been talking a lot lately about how to take care of one another and how to make each other happy despite the distance between us. Sometimes we are better at it than at other times.  Tonight for example you decided to make time for us to share in a meaningful way even though it was during the time of day when you would normally go running, which is something you enjoy doing for yourself and which is part of your daily routine. When I asked you why you were not going running when you normally would, you replied, 'Because you are my priority.' I was really surprised and happy and at the end of our nice talk, I encouraged you to go for your run anyway and not to miss it. It seems easy to give and to be worried about the other's needs when you feel that they are also taking care of yours. I hope you had a nice run and that you thought about us all along the way.

A place two hearts can understand

'You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.'
-Walt Whitman, 'Song of Myself'

Love is something mysterious and at times difficult. It is not very rational either. I am sure we both agree on this point. It was not reasonable to have chosen to love one another across such a distance yet inexplicably, we have chosen it. Having this distance between us can be complicated at times and can cause misunderstandings which can last for days. Last week we faced such a situation again and it was very hard on both of us. Despite this though, we managed to come back to each other, shake off the hurt and move forward knowing that neither of us would be happy for very long without the other.

Last night I discovered these verses from 'Song of Myself' by Walt Whitman from his "Leaves of Grass", and they made me think of you and I and our recent troubles. For me they capture the essence of the mystery of love and how, even after losing one another, lovers can find a way to meet back in a place that only their two hearts can understand.

Under martial law

     I have accompanied what is happening in Thailand, where last night the militaries declared matial law. That means that public manifestations are prohibitted and that soldiers are occupying the streets and carrying heavy weapons after a long series of conflicts between pros and cons the current government. 

     Of course I am worried about you. When I was a kid in Latin America, the militaries, after tooking over the power through a coup d'état, committed the most ignoble crimes under the sponsorship of the United States. So I grew up with a strong aversion to all sorts of militaries. I just hope those infamies don't happen in Thailand, despite of the fact that a coup d'état is already a crime.

     From this huge distance I am from Bangkok, I cannot offer you much protection in case there are violent conflicts on the streets. Just take care, because any man with a gun in his hand is always a potential monster.

Your bathroom cats

     I felt like home in your apartment along the three weeks I stayed there. It is a cozy and tidy place, with many souvenirs of your travels, a fine collection of Buddhas and many kinds of beautiful orchids at the balcony. Even your bathroom is well-decorated, as one can see by these three cats that live there and called my attention by their colors and their different personalities.

     When life allows us to be together at the same place, at the same corner of the world, I hope we can organize a stylish house where we will feel comfortable and happy. By my part, I imagine it full of books and a few photographs of my favorite writers around my desk.

My Captain!

This morning I found myself back at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport on my way to catch a flight south to Krabi. The last time I was here was with you two weeks ago to check in to our flight to Penang. You will remember that well I am sure as through some misunderstanding about the departure time and some very long lines at immigration, we came close indeed to missing our flight. I have to admit, I have a bad and longstanding habit of cutting it too close when it comes to airport departures. I have even missed flights because of this, more than once actually. You know this well as it happened to me in London when I was with you, enjoying our last minutes together over a plate of pasta at an airport restaurant before heading to Berlin, and I missed the cut off time to go through the security gate. It was an expensive lesson for me, costing several hundred pounds and a fair bit of inconvenience to re-book the flight for the next day. You were kind and came back from the tube platform where you were about to board to to return home in order to spend the night with me at the airport hotel and to see me off at the crack of dawn the next morning.

With the flight to Penang, you proposed we leave home earlier and I told you there was no need. You sighed but went along with me, however in the end, you were right. You who is always very early for every flight and train and appointment, must have been frustrated by my utter lack of urgency. But then when we really almost didn't make it this time, I think you had quite enough of it and told me that I can be the boss (patroa) of many things in our relationship but that when it came to airport departures, you would be firmly in charge and the captain. I had no choice but to agree, knowing you were right and that you really are better than me in this department. And then I had fun trying to pronounce the Portuguese word for captain, 'capitão', as you say it, with that distinct nasal intonation which is so tough for non-native speakers.

This morning I had to manage getting to the airport on my own, without my captain, and I made it. You were with me throughout my journey though, telling me in my ear all along  the way to 'hurry up'!

A rose in Regent's Park

     It's springtime, my favorite season in London, despite of the weather, which is sometimes a bit chilly, sometimes a bit rainy. In the middle of this sunny afternoon, however, I happened to cross Regent's Park, in the central area. It is beautiful with so many types of flowers, colors, smells, bees and butterflies. I lived near this park last year and I used to run in it by the end of the day. That was a nice time.

     Today I passed by an area that was full of all sorts of roses. This one called my attention and made me think of you, who are like her: pretty, thorny, perfumed, delicate, elegant.

     A popular character by Saint-Exupéry once uttered that you cannot love roses in general, that you can only love one specific rose. Therefore, being responsible for her is accepting her even in her fragility and her thorniness. That's what I feel now, at the end of a week of misunderstandings.

A memorable snack

Thod Mun Pla

Today while having lunch next to my office I noticed an old woman carrying a plate of Thod Mun Pla (spicy Thai fish cakes) past me on the way back to her table. This reminded me of a time not so long ago, on one of the hottest days of April, when we were exploring Bangkok's old quarter and its famous temple, Wat Pho, together. Wandering around at 3 o'clock in the afternoon after several hot and sticky hours spent taking photos in the Grand Palace complex, we found ourselves suddenly tired and hungry.

Luckily here in Thailand, good food is never far away and we stumbled across a woman making and selling these fish cakes in the temple itself. I bought a plate of them for us and we found a quiet, out of the way corner to sit and eat them. It was a nice time despite the heat, sitting there with you in that doorway, eating those little fish patties doused in tangy vinegar, chili and cucumber sauce. We chatted and regained our energy as we watched many small novices making preparations for the New Year festival and its accompanying activities. Now when I see this snack around the streets and markets here, I will think of that short but happy moment shared with you one April afternoon.

Wat Pho 

Warmth of my life

Seville Still Life #2 - Henri Matisse

Matisse painted this still life in 1910, inspired by his travels in southern Spain where the colours, warm air, flowering plants and sun drenched beauty of the landscape touched him deeply. I love Matisse’s paintings with their bold, happy colours, simple patterns and lines so adeptly drawn. His love of the ‘exotic’ and faraway places is also close to my heart. You may remember we saw a wonderful Matisse hanging in the collection at L’Orangerie when we were in Paris together. To make you smile, I told you of all the paintings there that this was the one I would like to bring home to hang in my living room if I could. I was reminded of it today when I came across a short but beautiful poem by Jacques Prévert, a favourite poet of yours and mine. It is titled ‘Alicante’, after the city in Spain, and I thought it the perfect complement to Matisse’s painting.

Alicante

Une orange sure la table

Ta robe sur le tapis

Et toi dans mon lit

Doux présent du présent

Fraîcheur de la nuit

Chaleur de ma vie

An orange upon the table

Your dress on the run

And you in my bed

Sweet present of the present

Freshness of the night

Warmth of my life

Prévert’s poetry always manages to capture deep human emotion with the simplest of words and this is what makes him great. Here he evokes a scene of love set somewhere in this Spanish city, which, apart from the title of the poem, is cleverly hinted at only by the mention of the orange in the first line. I love the way the narrator’s contentment is expressed so simply with so few words as he observes his lover in bed after a night of passion.

You know it is the simple things that I enjoy sharing with you and which make me most happy: the feeling of your hand in mine as we walk together, enjoying a delicious meal in a cozy restaurant, an afternoon at a museum somewhere spent in conversation, your warm embrace. Just like in Prevert’s poem, in a short few months, you have become the ‘warmth of my life’, my ‘present of present’, in my bed and in my head wherever I may be in the world.

Bangkok to Brazil

Garrincha steals the show....

From the beginning you told me you were passionate about football. And you have been telling me many times how you grew up playing it and yes, about how well you play. I sometimes wondered to myself if all of this was just talk on your part but humored you and just listened to your stories without commenting much. Then while you were visiting me here in Bangkok, an Italian friend of mine invited you to join him to play with his team one evening. So we went together and I sat discreetly up on a platform above the field out of view to watch.  I have to admit I was very impressed. You may have been the oldest one playing that evening but you were by far the best, scoring many goals. I even stopped counting at some point!  I was really proud of you dear and just smiled to myself and thought 'That's my man'. It was a fun evening and I would happily watch you play many more times and hope to have the chance in the future.

I am not much of a sports fan but football is nice and full of drama and I will get into the spirit of it for the upcoming games when I am in Brazil for the World Cup event and experience first hand the nation-wide mania that is football addiction in your country. It is really exciting and I will be rooting for your team and your country and hoping that Brazil will steal the show. How exciting it will be if Brazil wins!

I like when you tell me stories about the great Pelé in his heyday and especially of the rise and fall of Garrincha. What an amazing tale his is: born with a twisted leg, one shorter than the other, he went on to become one of the best footballers of all time. It is a pity he had such a sad end to his life, suffering from alcohol addiction, broke and abandoned by friends and lovers after all of his excesses. I read he had many children with his wife and mistresses but that the love of his life was a woman called Elza Soares, a samba singer of great talent who grew up in the slums of Rio. I found this photo of them together looking young and attractive, in happier days before their eventual parting due to his alcoholism.

I have started to read and research about Brazil. It seems a country with a great and colorful history and culture which I am keen to discover. Learning about it from you and experiencing it at your side will be a beautiful life adventure and one I was not expecting. Life is funny this way. We never know what is in store for us. I am grateful for the nice and unexpected things you have brought into my life since we met. Let's take care always to appreciate one another. I will do my best.

For the grace of you

     It's five days now that I am back to Europe, after crossing the world to see you in Thailand and also to travel with you to Vietnam and Malaysia. As I told you when we said goodbye at the airport, this was my best travel ever. I learned a lot in places that were totally new to me and I was so happy beside you. This sojourn in Southeast Asia was also an opportunity to confirm our love and make plans for the future together.

     Now I am facing this classical miserable London weather, chilly and rainy. Moments ago I was hearing an old song about someone who has his love in England and is very far away, thinking of her in a rainy day. This is the last stanza, if I remember it well:

          And as I watch the drops of rain

          Weave their weary paths and die

          I know that I am like the rain

          There but for the grace of you go I

     Despite of being the one who is in England, but also being the one who watches the drops of rain through my window right now, I feel like him. And "for the grace of you go I."

Next to me

Hanoi Moment

I just returned home from sending you off at the airport. It is quiet here and I am missing you. It is hard thinking of you sitting back in your seat and closing your eyes now as you prepare for the long journey ahead and to know that you will be further and further away from me with every passing minute. But anyway, I have to be strong and focus on matters at hand: work, taking care of life's daily necessities and of course the positive things as well, which include starting to make plans for our next meeting in Brazil in late June. Two months without seeing you and without being able to be with you will feel very long. But at least if we pass this difficult period, we will have many nice things to look forward to. Brazil will be a whole new world for me and I am already very excited about discovering your country with you. Then there is August when you will be back here in Asia with me for the whole month and many occasions this autumn to be shared together in Europe. It will be lovely. In the meantime, despite the distance, you will be next to me always wherever I am, in my heart and in my mind, keeping me from being lonely.

Home away from home

23 Love Lane

This is ‘23 Love Lane’, the little hideaway we shared in Penang these past few days. Simply named after its street address, this charming and lovingly restored place felt more like a home than a hotel with just a few rooms, all in a different style and with lush gardens and an eclectic décor that combines antiques and knick knacks with stylist contemporary art. It is just the kind of place I love and the fact that it happened to be located down a winding backstreet called ‘Love Lane’ made it all the more inviting. I have been in Asia now for 18 years and for some strange reason have never visited Penang. It was lovely to discover it with you for the first time with its unique character and relaxed pace that perfectly suited our own. I enjoyed our leisurely walks along those historic streets and the long afternoon chats we shared in our quiet room as we escaped the mid-day heat. It was a perfect small getaway and I loved being there with you. We have many wonderful photos as souvenirs of our time together there and even more memories to last a lifetime.

Love Lane

     We have just returned from Penang, in Malaysia. This is a lovely place, but it is far to be one of my favorite cities in the world. Anyway, this was one of the best travels I have ever experienced. It was fun to stroll the streets of the old town hand in hand with you, try new tastes and climb Penang Hill - a high one - with you at the end of our last day there. Many times we talked about finding a way to live together along the next year. We will keep an eye on opportunities in Asia, Europe or South America in order to be living in the same place. And many times we looked at each other like two teenagers in love, despite of being in our mid-fourties.

     I could repeat the common place that I love Paris, for exemple. I have been there many times, one of them with you. But none of my sojourns in the City of Light was so pleasant as this one in the much more modest Penang in the hottest time of the year in Southeast Asia. I still think about that delicious Chinese breakfast you decide to have instead of the conventional one in the hotel.

     By the way, our hotel - a stylish small one - was located in a street named Love Lane, a very appropriate place for us. If you knew how I appreciate your companionship, your talks, your smile...

     This is my last day in Asia this time. Tomorrow I will fly back to Europe. But I will never forget this first approach to this lovely part of the world that you love so much. Perhaps I will be here with you someday.

A skillful sleeper

Henri Rousseau - The Sleeping Gypsy - 1897

Referring to your earlier post on our time in Hanoi, I am reminded of one of your most adorable and curious attributes: that is to say your unique ability to fall asleep almost anywhere and in almost any position. We both know well that you do stick to quite a regular routine, falling to sleep each night like clockwork at one minute past midnight without fail. At first I admit that I found this very odd, being myself a night owl and with a pretty irregular schedule. But after some time, I realized that it was probably healthy and better to do things your way, giving our bodies a chance to rest fully each night in order to be refreshed for the following day.

But what has really impressed me more than this is how you can sleep in many different situations. For example, if we are in a car, a plane or any sort of moving vehicle, you sleep. I suppose this is not so unusual.  Then, I have seen you fall asleep during at least two cultural performances: the Whirling Dervishes in Istanbul (kind of understandable really with all that repetitive whirling and spinning) and just last week during the Water Puppets show in Hanoi. I pretended to be cross with you and pinched you each time your head fell forward and threatened to never go with you to another performance if all you would do is sleep. But in reality, I found it cute and funny.  

I think though that the most remarkable sleeping ‘performance’ you have given to date must be that time you fell asleep standing while reading one of the information  boards at  Orhan Pamuk’s ‘The Museum of Innocence’ in Istanbul. I was on one side of the room reading away and you were on the other and all of the sudden I turned around and saw you catch yourself from falling down as you had fallen asleep standing up!! It still makes me laugh to recall it now. My darling, you are a very skillful sleeper. I love you.

Taking the good and the bad times

     Yesterday you had an allergic reaction, possibly related to something you ate. I went to the hospital with you and tried to support you as I could, at least talking to you and holding your hand at the moment of taking blood for the exams. Be sure that I am your man not only in the good times.

     Nonetheless, after being attentive to your health and you taking the prescribed drugs, we went to a beauty salon in order to manicure and pedicure you. I came together to accompany you, being there leafing through a gossip magazine while you did it, but you wanted me to do my nails as well. After a while without doing such thing, I submitted my hands and feet to the Thai ladies there. It was nice in the end, and I felt much better after the treatment. But if my football friends know it, they will tease on me. But I don't mind. It was another pleasant moment together with you. I like the way we take care of each other. I will never take you for granted.

A house in Hanoi

     I love traveling with you who are a traveler indeed, not just a tourist. Beside you, I have experienced new places and different cultures, known distant peoples and felt new flavors, new smells, new sights in a special way. We are just back to your place after five days in Vietnam. At the beginning I was a little upset with the chaos on the Hanoian streets, all that disorder on the sidewalks and the danger of small children without a helmet riding motorcycles with their parents. Furthermore, I was soon badly affected after eating street food. But I was slowly realizing that Vietnam has a very delicate but strong people, a complex culture and a peculiar character. It was great to be with you in the Temple of Literature. I never imagined that there was one. Sorry for dozing off during the Water Puppet show. I enjoyed them anyway.

     However, if I have to choose my favorite moment, it was in the house we rent in the suburbs of Hanoi to spend our last night there. We could not only experience a bit of the city as it is apart from the tourist common places but to enjoy a long conversation seated in the porch, over a glass of wine, at the close of the day. No need to mention my pleasure to share comments and impressions with you. I admire your courage, your intelligence and your knowledge of Southeast Asia, the place where you decided recreate your life many years ago, after an accident of life. Now I am eager to experience Thailand with my darling.

Traveling to you

    I'm leaving for Asia today in order to meet you. I have been looking forward to this moment for a long time already. It will be a long and exhausting journey across this planet, but it will be very worthwhile. When I come back, I will be full of new experiences and new stories to tell. And this travel will also be another step in our process of getting closer to each other and knowing each other better. Furthermore, if "travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness", as Mark Twain wrote, we have been fortunate in a sense, because our love - due to our current circumstances - has grown up in the middle of many travels to different corners of the world.

     I can't wait to have my girl in my arms again!

An ongoing conversation

Homage to J.S. Bach - Georges Braques- 1912

This afternoon the music of Bach’s Concerto for 2 Violins came into my head. It is a beautiful and popular classical piece which you will surely know. Bach is one of my favorite composers and one of yours as well I think. I especially like this piece since I read somewhere a long time ago that the music made by the two violins was meant to imitate the sound of two lovers’ voices speaking tenderly to one another. Listening to it, this is easy to imagine as one violin starts off slowly and the other responds in turn, sometimes quickening for a moment, then slowing again, each in a different tone but managing to blend together in perfect harmony. Bach wrote this concerto in 1720 when he was the choirmaster at the German court and it is considered to this day one of the very best examples of Baroque music ever written. It is notable for the gentle yet expressive relationship between the two violins throughout the work and I was thinking that our love is also like this: an ongoing  and beautiful conversation between our two hearts. 

Happy listening. 

On kisses and kissing

     I am really excited to cross the world in order to meet you again. It will be great to be guided around Asia by you. For sure I will be in very good hands. All along last morning I was packing my stuff for this long journey. I'm missing your kisses, your smell, our long talks into the night, your touch.

     By the way, I was just seeing this picture of a high relief in Vienna, at a monument in honour of Strauss. It reminded me of your way of kissing... of your peculiar lips kisses, with not much tongue envolved. I'm glad I'll have plenty of them again in a short while.

     Writing about your kisses, I remember now one of my favourite poems, written by the great Catullus to his beloved Lesbia in Rome, around 65 BC. I remember I shared it with you months ago. This is an English translation:

     Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love,

     and all the words of the grave old men

     may be worth less than one penny!

     Suns may set, and suns may rise again;

     but when our brief light extinguishes,

     we will sleep a never ending night.

     So kiss me thousand times, then hundred more,

     then thousand others, and a second hundred,

     yet another thousand, and one more hundred.

     Then, when we have counted up many thousands,

     we will mix them so as not to know them all,

     or any evil one is able to envy us 

     when he knows how many kisses we have shared.

Maybe it is written in the stars

You will be in Asia with me in less than a week from now. It is exciting that you will be discovering a completely new part of the world. I often wonder what you will think of it and if you will like it as much as I do. People here are different in their approach. They move at a slower pace as you know and keep their emotions behind a smile which can mean many different things, as you will see. They are in general superstitious and interested in the supernatural, in spirits, fate and karma. Fortunetellers are very popular while Buddhism shapes thoughts and values. In Thailand and Burma especially, it is a strongly held belief that the day of the week a person is born on determines his/her character. For this reason, people born on certain days are considered to be more compatible than others. In China and Vietnam on the other hand, it is the "year" you are born in the lunar calendar (Tiger, Horse and Snake) which shapes personality and who will get along and fall in love with who. This is a little bit different than in the west where we are more focused on the month of birth and the signs of the zodiac, something that is not largely followed in Asia.

This actually reminds me of our very first conversation when we exchanged birth dates and you exclaimed, 'That's great! Maybe it is written in the stars.' upon learning that I am a 'Crab', born under the sign of Cancer as Cancer and Scorpio (your sign) are supposed to be highly compatible.  Both water signs, Cancer is thought to be ruled by the Moon and emotion while Scorpio is ruled by the planets Mars (passion) and Pluto (power), making for an intense emotional and physical combination. I found this nice description of our two signs' compatibility to share with you:

The attraction between Cancer and Scorpio is magnetic, deeply felt and has the potential to withstand the test of time. The warmth, caring and devoted nature of Cancer feel regenerating to Scorpio while Scorpio's sense of an all-encompassing love appeals to Cancer deeply. Both have similar ways of expressing their love and make each other feel "at home" throughout their lives.

I like the part which says our love will make us feel "at home". It will be nice if we two gypsies, (born in different corners of the world and living in equally distant places) could find a home not in a place but in a person. I hope we will be "home" to one another wherever we are and wherever we may find ourselves in the future.

Difficult days

It is true that we passed some difficult days recently. The distance between us is hard at times to manage and the more I need you, the harder it is to be apart. You were preoccupied since I left London with finishing up your obligations at the university and with all that this entails and I have to admit I was very lonely without you and feeling abandoned. I imagined you did not need me as much as I was needing you and I began to question whether you really did love me as you said.

In the end, you showed how you care for me and I am feeling much better since we talked it through. I can see your effort over these days and I am happy with it. I really look forward to our daily conversations: to making plans with you for our upcoming trip and to just knowing how your day has been. I love to see you smile and the expression in your eyes when I make you laugh. Like flowers need watering, sunshine and attentive care to make them grow, this communication is really important to keep our love strong  and to keep a good understanding between us.

Wrangle

     These last days were not very favourable. After some negligence of my part, not calling you and not talking to you properly for a few days, you got angry, we had a serious argument, and you talked a lot, even talking about breaking up. As an outcome, I learned very well how a permanent dialogue and a real connection are so important in our relationship. And I could see that you were right.

Strangely lovely

You posted an image of a cat in your last entry and, as the subject of cats seems to come up fairly often between us for some reason, I thought I would share this here as well. It is a photo of a 'Sphynx' Cat, which is a new and rare breed of hairless cat. I first saw a photo of it some time ago and I was immediately drawn to it's strangeness. We have had a few discussions about getting a pet that would be 'ours' one day and you always insist that this should be a Golden Retriever, despite the fact that they are big and shed lots of hair, require plenty of attention and well, cost a lot to maintain. As an alternative, I would like to propose this funny creature to be our 'baby' instead. While at first glance you may find him ugly and bizarre, I want to tell you to 'look again' and you will surely see his loveliness as I do. Notice his big sweet eyes and his wrinkly skin that must be nice to touch, not to mention his bony, charismatic tail.  On an aside, I don't think I ever told you that the Platypus is one of my favourite animals and that this is mainly because it is very strange and unlikely mix of mammal, reptile and bird. I find it a wonderful curiosity!

If you think about it, I imagine you will agree with me as neither of us is a lover of the conventional. We find enjoyment in the unexpected and contradictory things life has to offer: in the case of this cat, I love the mix of 'ugly and adorable'. I was thinking that in love it is like this as well, as love is one of the most contradictory, strange and at the same time beautiful things there is. Wouldn't you agree?

Prepositional issues

     Prepositions are really tricky in any language. Yesterday we were talking about a few mistakes I make with these little words when I am absent-minded. We were laughing of at least two of them which happened recently. One took place at a pub in London, when, after drinking a bit of a damned soda - you know I hate to do it -, I started hiccuping. But when you asked me what was the matter, I answered: "I'm hicking up." In other occasion, I was upset with an argument we were having when I said: "You are pissing me up," what is even worse than just "pissing me off."

     Oh my goodness!

Samsara

I thought today of our time in Istanbul and all of those walks we took along the streets on our way to explore mosques, markets and other interesting sites. You may remember that during those days we found ourselves a number of times unexpectedly wandering into cemeteries. I remember you commenting to me on one very cold afternoon how well kept the graves were kept compared to other places you had visited. We studied the names inscribed there and I took some photos of the beautiful script and shapely headstones and even of the cats that seemed at home warming themselves against the tombs, not to mention the colourful flower beds laid out in neat rows throughout the place as well.

Without realizing it, I can see now that this theme followed us back to England where we spent some time looking at the inscriptions and memorials in Bath Abbey and even in the John Sloane Museum on our last days there together, when we stopped to read the memorial poem dedicated by Soane to his wife. We even talked about but missed a chance in Paris to go to the famous cemetery of Pere Lachaise, but we will surely do that one day in the future.

It is strange perhaps to think of this tonight but it came to mind as I remembered a beautiful poem by the Sufi poet Rumi on the subject of the cycle of  life, death and rebirth which I liked very much. I share it with you here:

I died as a mineral and became a plant,

I died as plant and rose to animal,

I died as animal and I was Man.

Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?

Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar

With angels bless’d; but even from angel hood

I must pass on: all except God doth perish.

When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,

I shall become what no mind e’er conceived.

Oh, let me not exist! for Non-existence

Proclaims in organ tones,

To Him we shall return.

ز جمادی مُردم و نامی شدم — وز نما مُردم بهحیوان سرزدما

مُردم از حیوانی و آدم شدم — پس چه ترسم؟ کی ز مردن کم شدم؟

حمله دیگر بمیرم از بشر — تا برآرم از ملائک بال و پر

وز ملک هم بایدم جستن ز جو — کل شیء هالک الا وجهه

بار دیگر از ملک پران شوم — آنچه اندر وهم ناید آن شوم

پس عدم گردم عدم چو ارغنون — گویدم کانا الیه راجعون

-Rumi

What struck me most about this when I first read it was how many parallels it has to Buddhist thought and philosophy. This is something you have not had much exposure to yet I guess, but you will very soon. It is just two weeks now until you will be here with me in Thailand and I am very much looking forward to sharing many interesting and I think 'new' things with you about the people, culture and beliefs of this place I have come to love and call my home. It will be a very special time for us both for certain.